Healing the Holidays: Supporting Clients (and Ourselves) Through Holiday Stress

By a Therapist, for Therapists

The holidays are… a lot. Every year, our schedules fill up, clients come in carrying big emotions, and we’re over here trying to stay grounded while juggling our own families, travel plans, memories, or stress.

This season tends to amplify everything—joy, loneliness, grief, pressure—and as therapists, we end up holding all of it.

As therapists, we become the steadying presence in a season that can feel anything but steady. Yet we’re not immune to holiday stress ourselves. Our schedules compress, boundaries get tested, and we try to remain attuned while navigating our own families, traditions, memories, or fatigue. This is an invitation to reflect on how we can support our clients—and also support ourselves—during this uniquely charged time of year, without burning out before the menorah’s candles do.

Let Clients Know It’s Normal to Feel “Both/And”

People often feel like something’s wrong with them if they’re not having a “perfect holiday.” You know the drill: the decorations say “joy,” but internally it’s a mix of dread, sadness, excitement, annoyance, and nostalgia. Many clients feel guilty or “broken” when their experience doesn’t match the cultural ideal of joy. As therapists, we can validate that mixed emotions are normal and often expected.

We can help by:

• Naming the complexity right away: “It makes sense you’re feeling mixed about the season.”

• Giving permission for all feelings, not just the Instagram-friendly ones.

• Using parts language when it fits (“A part of you wants connection, another part wants space.” or “A part of you is excited about seeing family, and another part is anxious about the dynamics.”)

• Reframing: “The holidays amplify everything—connection and loneliness, joy and stress.”

Just normalizing goes a long way.

Prep for Family Stuff Before It Happens

Family gatherings tend to bring out old roles and triggers – these relational patterns are as consistent as hoping for snow on Christmas morning. Instead of encouraging clients to avoid or confront everything, we can help them show up more intentionally to act from a centered, self-led place.

What helps:

• Prepare clients for predictable triggers using rehearsal work (“What do you anticipate? How might you respond differently this year? Who usually pushes your buttons first?”).

• Practicing boundaries and simple phrases ahead of time, especially for high-pressure or critical family interactions.

• Remind clients that boundaries are relational, not punitive—and that internal boundaries (“I don’t take that message in”) can be as powerful as external ones.

• Creating a short “plan” for staying grounded during visits.

Sometimes the best intervention is reminding someone they don’t have to attend every argument they’re invited to.

Address Holiday-Specific Stressors Directly

Common seasonal stressors—financial strain, social expectations, packed schedules, disrupted routines—can destabilize clients with underlying anxiety, trauma histories, or depression. The pressure of gift-buying, traveling, hosting, saying yes to everything -- clients often minimize this and then wonder why they’re crashing down.

Consider:

• Helping clients design “minimum viable holiday plans” to reduce overwhelming and overloaded schedules.

• Discussing realistic spending, gift-giving limits, and how to navigate comparisons (“’everyone looks so happy…”).

• Highlighting the importance of rest and pacing as access points to regulation.

Hallmark has yet to release a movie about “good enough holidays”, leading to feelings of inadequacy to meet a Hollywood storybook season.

Make Space for Grief and Loss

Grief often resurfaces with intensity during the holidays. Lighting displays, music, traditions, smells, and gatherings can remind clients of who’s missing from the table or what’s changed.

Support by:

• Encourage small rituals that honor absent loved ones. It’s okay if not everyone partakes in this, too.

• Explore the role of meaning-making: “What would it look like to carry this person with you into the season?”

• Validate that grief is not linear or seasonal—its resurgence is a natural part of the process.

For Clients Who Are Lonely: Build Connection Without Shame

Loneliness is one of the most overlooked holiday stressors. It can feel especially heavy when everything around you insists you should be surrounded by love and family. Rather than pushing clients to “stay busy,” we can support them in cultivating authentic connection.

We can help clients to:

• Identifying safe, value-aligned opportunities for community (volunteering, gatherings, faith communities, affinity groups).

• Encouraging micro-moments of connection—a short phone call, a supportive text, time with a pet. These small, doable ways to connect do not have to be huge social leaps. Who can these small supportive people who may serve as distractors versus confiders be?

• Challenging the internalized stigma around loneliness, which often deepens isolation. Loneliness is not a flaw.

Stay Culturally Aware

Not all clients celebrate the same holidays—or any holidays at all. Some feel alienated or invisibly pressured by dominant cultural narratives.

Instead of assuming, ask:

• “What does this time of year mean to you?”

• “Is there an emotion tied to this season for you – fun, stress, neutral, or something else?”

• “What is this season like for you culturally?”

• “Are there traditions you enjoy, or traditions that feel imposed?”

Let the client define the meaning of the season rather than assuming it. It can allow clients to define their own relationship with the season.

And Really… Don’t Forget About You

Therapists often put themselves last this time of year. But we’re human, too, and our bandwidth matters.

A few reminders:

• You can say no to extra sessions if you’re stretched.

• You’re allowed to take time off (really).

• Pace yourself with emotionally heavy sessions.

• Lean on colleagues for support—consultation, venting, humor, all of it.

We don’t owe the world superhuman calm. We just need to be present and grounded enough to show up well.

End-of-Year Reflection Can Be Simple and Powerful

The holidays naturally lend themselves to transition and reflection. A gentle “year in review” can help with closure and momentum without the pressure of “resolutions”.

Try inviting them to explore:

• What did you survive?

• What did you make it through this year?

• What surprised you this year?

• What shifted?

• What did you learn about your needs?

• What small step toward regulation or alignment feels possible next year?

• What’s one thing you want more of next year?

• What’s one thing you want to try next year?

This can create closure and help clients enter the new year with clarity rather than pressure.

Final Thoughts

Holiday stress is rarely just “stress” – it’s layered with history, expectations, cultural narratives, and longing. As therapists, we hold space for an emotional landscape that is more complex than any greeting card suggests – we serve as a steady, kind, and grounding support. May we continue offering steady presence, perspective, and humanity—to our clients, and to ourselves.